Locks and Keys

It's kind of funny how you can be sad and everyone just thinks you're tired. You don't tell them the truth because you don't want to bug them with your sadness, because you know that it's silly and shallow and you don't want to share the reasons. Or maybe you don't tell them because you don't even know why you're sad. Then they think you just want to be left alone, and maybe part of you does. Part of you doesn't want to bother them, or make them feel guilty, you want everyone around you to be happy, so you let them ignore your sadness.

But really, in the end, all you needed was a hand to hold. Someone to reach out, and listen to your pointless sadness. Someone to be there for you and make your heart feel a little bit warmer. But even if they tried, you would just smile and say 'I'm fine' and play as if nothing was wrong. You have to be strong, and you hate that as hard as you try to act strong you aren't. You hate when they can see it. So if you can't hide your sadness, you hide yourself. You go on long walks so they don't see you crying, or you turn your face to the wall and 'nap,' saying your tired, so they don't see your frown. You try to show everyone that you're happy, but there is that tiny part that knows you want them to see how you really feel. You want them to help, but you're too 'strong.' But isn't that really a weakness? Locking yourself away?

I just hope that someone will figure it out someday. That even if I try pushing them away, I so desperately want them to push right back until I break, and they can see what I really am. Small, weak, and so very often sad. They can take the key and unlock my heart and comfort me for all of the things that I hide.